Nighttime Personalities Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

TV's leading entertainers devoted the airtime criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's recently launched visa initiative, dubbed the "golden visa," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency arrangement for the affluent.

Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Opening his broadcast, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday tune about the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils each thing he handles."

The focus was the new program that permits overseas citizens to buy U.S. legal status for an investment of $1 million dollars, with a "platinum" option for 5 million. The program's portal guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick note here to affluent immigrants: prior to you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He explained that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, involving significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you sign up, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The most thorough screening the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich foreigners to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining poll ratings during financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of food items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he joked.